I am a grandmother (and great-grandmother) and hence have been a mother first!  

I would almost say I’d discuss a problem grandmothers face.  But how many of you are there on the Internet?  

I believe many of us worry about how much we should ‘interfere’ with the upbringing of our grandchildren.  This gets somewhat complicated if their mother is our daughter-in-law.  There is a fine line there and only each one of us knows the relationship of the parties involved.  I would say play it safe and go easy.  If you have a good relationship with your daughter-in-law she may even ask for your advice or to baby-sit.


On the same subject: How do you, as the mother, ask your mother/mother-in-law to ‘butt out’ if you feel you don’t agree with their ideas.  Truth is always the best solution though a lot depends on how you voice your opinion.  Be tactful and kind.  After all, they love your child.  But tell them in no uncertain terms that your idea of raising your child is different from theirs -  and you prefer your way.  Remember, though, that by ‘telling her off’ you may make it difficult to ask her to baby-sit in the future.

Question:  My daughter (daughter-in-law) is always quite cool whenever I "drop by" to see the grandchildren.  What can I do to have her more welcoming?

Answer:  First, ask yourself whether you would like her (or anybody else for that matter to drop in unannounced to visit you?  You wouldn't, right?  Well, the same applies to your daughter (-in-law).  I am sure she does not mind your coming by to see the grandchildren but would like to be told beforehand.  (You can't tell what is happening in her home or whether it is inconvenient to have you stop by.)

Basically it is a question of manners, - basic courtesy.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Question:  When I ask my mother (mother-in-law) whether she can baby-sit my little ones, she often takes them to her home because we only live a few blocks from each other.   That is fine with me, of course. In a way I can tolerate and understand the fact that she spoils them.   However, it is another matter that she allows them to eat any amount of candies, cookies  and ice cream, - even though she knows I try to limit them.  How  do I handle it?

Answer:   This may be a bit more touchy, though in reality quite simple.
Sit down with her and talk about the reason why you limit the amounts of sweets your children are allowed. It takes away their appetite for dinner;  it is not nutritious and has no health benefits;  It causes dental decay.  And, most important, it is in their best interest.

I am sure she will understand.  Ask her to please cut back to maybe  one cookie for a snack.

^ back to top